One Year

 

You passed away one year ago today.  That’s one year of sadness, loss, pain, sorrow and regret.  We’ve tried really hard to not be super sad.  You would tell us to ‘get over it’.  You would tell us ‘it is what it is’.  We don’t get to hear your blunt matter of fact voice that held more than a tich of sarcasm most days.  We can’t phone you up whenever we want to tell you how are lives are going, or discuss the things we found funny, ridiculous or interesting this week.  You’re not here to share what you know about family recipes, family history and family stories.  You can’t try to explain how to fix things or drag out your sewing machine and miraculously repair a broken zipper or torn seam.  There are these reasons and a 1,000 more why we have spent the last year with sadness, loss, pain, sorrow and regret.

BUT, (there’s always a but), it has also been a year that our family has worked together, supported each other and got each other to today.  We’ve had a long year!  We’ve laughed.  Worked.  Moved.  Vacationed.  Travelled.  Lived.  Survived.

Becky sat us all out in the sunshine in your yard and dyed bits and pieces of our hair teal blue. We drank more than a few adult beverages and told funny stories about you.  We had our family reunion in July and all those faces, noses and feet that remind us we are related, celebrated our family ties.  They came from everywhere across Canada and gathered to laugh and have a good time and talk about their lives and remember those we’ve lost.  Your son has started a new career on the rails with CN.  He works lots, but he’s home more than he was before.  You would like that.  Your daughter has managed to juggle looking after your house, working from home, and spending time with her friends.  You would like that.  Your brother and sister and I met in Vegas and spent a few days hanging out buying $$ drinks and laughing at how ridiculous things are priced in Sin City.  You would have liked that. Your Powell River family really miss you.  Your friends miss you, but they remember you with a laugh, and they all have shared stories with us.

All our stories and memories that show what a character you were, how you always said what you were thinking, even when you might have been better off to have sugar coated it.  OH WAIT.. THAT was SUGAR COATED!! haha.  Your face gave you away anyway, so no worries, we all knew what you were thinking.

I’m going to start this next year remembering and reminding myself that you lived, not that you died.  I’m going to remember the good times and not the bad.  The laughter and not the sad.  You would like that!

Sad is Bad!

Sad Kat

Sad Kat

I was feeling kind of blah sad this morning,

Couldn’t figure out what I felt like doing – doing nothing didn’t seem like much of an option seeing as how it was sort of sunny and dry outside.  It’s been grey and raining for days and days.

I searched my sad mind for something to do that would get me out of the “sads” — nothing really came to mind so I decided, ‘oh well’ I guess I’ll go out and at least pick up some fruit for lunches tomorrow.

Sad Kat

I drive my sad self to the grocery store, shuffle my sad feet in to the store and before I make it 10feet inside the store I see a lady that I used to work with many years ago.  She’s with her husband and they both look FANTASTIC!!  I’m standing there trying to make conversation with them as I have this thought .. 

I came downtown without washing my hair, I’m wearing an old scruffy sweater and I know I look like hell…

messy hair

but that’s not the worst part!…

It gets better! …

As I’m standing there another person I know goes past us – “Hi Kathy!” they say..

and another lady goes by who I know – “Hi Kathy!” she says..

My ex co-worker says “Wow you sure know a lot of people!”

and then another man comes by (my ex-boss) and says “Hi Kathy!”

….. Now remember… I look like HELL

AND I’M a SAD “looking like HELL” Kathy….

I finish up my conversation and walk away to start my shopping.

It wasn’t until AFTER I finished my shopping and I was heading outside to the vehicle, that I realized all those people were there at that moment to remind me that I have lots of people (friends and family) around me that care ABOUT me… That’s a good thing to have in our lives!

Now back to the kitchen I go to create some kind of masterpiece for dinner.  I bought the fixings for a new recipe for Curried Chicken, Roti and Lentil Dahl..  I haven’t made any of them before so it should be an interesting dinner..